How I Disappear
by SurpriseSushi
Summary: And without you is how I disappear. To live my life alone, forever more. Watching him fall through the veil was the hardest thing to do, but there was nothing he could do. Slight RemusxSirius, rated T for swears. Character death.


**How I Disappear**

A Harry Potter Fanfiction by SurpriseSushi

_**"And without you is how I disappear, to live my life alone. Forever more."**_

**-How I Disappear, My Chemical Romance**

He watched, everything slowmotion to only him, as the green bolt hit him in the chest, and he saw the breath ripped out of him. Shock and pain on his face, he fell behind the curtain. It took his brain a minute to register what had just happened. He was... Gone. Gone _forever... _As time resumed to normal time, he stood there, frozen. A dangerous place to freeze, but he couldn't move. He _refused_ to move._ It's impossible. It's improbable. It can't be! He's... he can't be... Oh God- Harry! _He turned, looking for the lightening bolt scarred, raven haired boy amongst the fighting wizards. And then he saw him. Speeding for the arch and the curtain. "HARRY!"He yelled, and raced after after the boy who was sprinting towards the arch. _I can't lose him, too. I can't lose him! James would never forgive me, never! STUPID BOY! _He barely caught him before Harry attempted to fling himself after the man. "Harry- Harry, calm down-"

"SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" Harry yelled. His heart torn at itself, almost wrentching the tears from his eyes. "SIRIUS!"

Pulling Harry away from the dias, he continued to whisper. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. He's-... He's dead, Harry. You can't- _Harry! _Get a hold of yourself! He's... He's gone. He's not coming back." He didnlt believe it himself. He waited for Sirius to come out the otherside, smiling, ready to fight again. He fought back the tears. His friend, his brother, his lover... dead. Gone. As this finality hit him, he grip loosened just slightly on Harry.

At the same time, a song drifted from the fighting. "_I killed Sirius Black, I killed Sirius Black, I killed Sirius Black!" _After by a giggle, it repeated. Over and over and over again.

He lost it. "_BELLATRIX!" _He screamed, pulling out his wand. He streaked past Harry, practiaclly ignoring him. Passing through the fight, people yelled at him, tried to grip him, but he pushed his way through them, following the song. "_I killed Sirius Black, I killed Sirius Black!_" He entered the hallway, looking left and right, straining to hear the fading jaunt. "REMUS!" Someone yelled behind him.

He didn't turn. "I'm going to fucking_ destroy _her." And ran after the noise. He ran and ran, catching glimpses of Bellatrix, keeping just behind her. "_I killed Sirius Black!_" He gritted his teeth, and barreled froward, furious. "Stop running, _BELLATRIX." _He yelled, his stomach churning on the name. He almost stopped, barely able to contain his rolling emotions, barely able to stop himself from collasping to his knee's and falling into utter dispair. _She killed him. She killed him. _His head was fogged, no thought except- "_I killed Sirius Black, I killed Sirius Black-_"

She suddenly stopped, and turned, smiling. Then she disappeared. "_Bitch-_" He breathed, running forward, spinning around, looking. He was in the large entry hall of the Ministry of Magic, the place rather familiar. He caught his breath, his hand on his knee's, doubled over. He shook his head, trying to clear his head of her song, unable to concentrate on anything esle. Until a voice said. "Remus Lupin." A shudder shot down his back, and he straightened up, unable to believe his ears. He turned. "Long time no see, _Remus_."

He stood frozen, his wand clattering to the floor, hardly able to stop his whole body from doing the same. "Voldemort."

Cold laughter. _Come on, Remus. You knew he'd be here. You knew. ...you just hoped someone else would be fighting him._ "Why the look, Remus? You dropped your wand. Might want to pick that up, if we're to duel." Remus could hear the smile on his lips. Fury and fear are two emotions that should never mix. Remus bent down and retrieved his wand, his fingers shaking, yet set. "Good boy. Now shall we do this traditionaly, or-" The collum beside him exploded. "You have horrid aim, Remus, I'm over here." He flicked his wand, and a cut appeared on Remus' cheek, blood immediatly dewing and running down his face. Remus breathed deeply, his wand outstretched in his shaking hand. " Now, that wont do. You need to be calm, Remus." The floor in front of him blasted apart, and his whispy laugh echoed down the hall, pieces of stone from the floor pelted Remus in the face.

_Fuck, fuck... _He had little warning when Voldemort flicked his wand. "_Crucio!_" Blinding pain, much like having every bone in his body set of fire, forced him to drop to his knee's. He opened his mouth to scream, but not a sound came out, and he covered his head with his hands. Spots flashed across his eyes, the pain building. Then was gone. Breathing heavily, Remus pulled himself to his feet, and looked up at Voldemort's smirking white face. His wand lay a few feet away, having rolled away when Remus had let go of it. "You're weak, Remus. Much weaker, I daresay, then I remember. Has fourteen years really taken such a toll on you? " His wand still pointing at Remus, Voldemort walked towards him, the smile not leaving his curled lips. He picked up Remus's dropped wand. " That's twice you've dropped you wand. Since you obviously don't mean to fight back, _what to do with you..._" He raise his other hand and dramatically tapped his chin with a spidery, white finger.

"Kill me." Still breathing heavily, Remus spat at Voldemorts feet. "Kill me like you killed James and Lily."

Voldemort's cold laughter echoed around the pair again. "I think not. Not now. In due time." He pocketed Remus's wand, and pointed his own between Remus's eyes. "I find you quite more usefull than that. And in you're already weakened state..." He flicked his wand again. "_Imperio!_"

Remus's entire body relaxed, all worry slidding away. Barely away of his suroundings, he gave in to the unexpainable feeling of happiness. _Go kill... _A nice voice whispered to him. He was just so relaxed... _Kill Harry Potter... _My old friends, son...? Why would I do something like that? _That doesn't matter. You just have to kill him. _No. _No? _No! _Kill him. _NO! _KILL HIM. _"NO!" Remus stood inches away from Harry, a wand, he was unsure whose, pointing in between his eyes, Dumbledore's wand brushing his own head. He dropped the wand, and it clattered to the floor.

"Oh God- Harry, Harry, I'm sorry- I didn't..." Remus backed away, and Dumbledore lowered his wand, Remus shaking his head. "I didn't..."

"It's fine, Remus. It's over." Dumbledore said, placing a hand on Remus' shoulder. Remus let out a shuddering breath. "You were under the Imperious curse. Harry undersatnds, doesn't he?" He asked, looking over his shoulder to Harry, who nodded, looking quite frightened.

"But... Sirius-? Is he really...?" Remus glanced to the arch, where the curtain fluttered innocently in the non-existant wind. The Arch Sirius disapeared behind. Remus half expected Sirius to walk out, laughing. But no such thing happened. After a pause, Remus looked up at Dumbledore. "_Dumbledore..._ Is he really dead?" The word, _dead_, dug a hole into his heart, but he... he had to know if there was a chance... any chance what-so-ever.

Dumbledore's eyes behind his half-moon specticles screamed true, but Remus refused to accept until Dumbledore said "I'm afraid so, Remus, my dear friend." His brain went numb. "He wont be comnig back. It's impossible."

The cold reality settled upon them. "No." Harry whispered, glaring at the dias. "No!" And he ran off towards the archway.

"Harry!" Remus yelled, but Dumbledore held him back. "Dumbledore! He's going to-"

"No, he wont."

Just as he said it, Harry had climbed up to the arch, and stopped. Remus watched as Harry stepped close to the arch, and drop to his knee's. "I can hear him." Remus stopped breathing. "_I can hear him._ He's really... he's in the archway... He'd dead."

**The End**

**A/N: I own no rights or character's of Harry Potter; or any lines taken from My Chemical Romance.**

**Yay, two new Harry Potter fanfictions. :) Trying a new cast of character's here, other than the normal Remus and Sirius. This fanfic was during the final battle in the fifth book, derp, and a bit of a switch-a-roo. Just if Remus freaked instead of Harry. Right, so, I hope you enjoyed and please leave a review.**

_**SurpriseSushi**_


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